It’s Time To Let Go of That Person

Couple with their back to each other

Written by Amina Lawal

she is an android developer, a writer, a woman in tech advocacy, and also a software engineering student at Bayero University, Kano. Writing is what she does. And who she is. Her name is Amina, a girl who is on a journey of finding herself. Everyone thinks that time teaches you something about life but they are wrong. Life goes on, it moves like a merry-go-round. This is why she writes, to express thoughts. To give life to them and to understand why she thinks the way she does. To appreciate the influences that have formed her personality and way of seeing the world. It is awesome to be able to see one’s thoughts and feelings come alive, There is no way to describe it.

July 7, 2020

Some people can be toxic to your health. They don’t want to love you properly won’t let go of you either. The more you give, the less they appreciate, and the minute you’ve had enough and decide to walk away is when they are ready to love you and treat you right. And when you give them a chance in hopes that they’ve changed, you realize it was all fake. When You find the strength to walk away once more, they come proclaiming their love for you and you give in again. The cycle repeats itself until you gather up enough strength to say enough is enough and cut them out of your life.

Read: Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships

This is for the person struggling to let go of someone who hurts their soul and breaks their heart. This was written for the person who is tired of loving someone who no longer deserves your energy. Remember, you are powerful. You are fully capable of walking away and I hope you learn to choose yourself. YOU deserve YOU more than anybody else.

Here are a few tips to help you get over that person.

Related: The Feeling of Insecurity and How to Avoid it

1. You Have to Let Them Go

If they add no value to you and only hurt you, you have to let them go. When you love someone deeply, you learn what demons live within them but then you realize that they hurt you. They are fighting within and may not even know it, so they take it out on you and fight you. Decide to let them go, but not because you’re petty and resentful. You let them go because you believe that both of you can find the healing you truly need without being together and hurting each other in the process.

Letting someone go doesn’t mean you stop loving and caring about anyone. Letting someone go means you’re choosing freedom over the illusion of loyalty.

2. Stop Hoping They’ll Change

You can’t waste your whole life waiting for them to change. You keep blaming yourself and giving more and more, hoping that your efforts will change things. Sorry to say but, you’re in love with a LIE. A dream, a never-will-be. You will have to do the one thing that you don’t want to do. Brace up and face the fact that no matter what you do, it will never be enough. Once you realize that, you should be able to let go.

3. Never Beg Them to Love You

Never beg them to love YOU, nor beg someone to be with you. Never beg for attention, commitment, affection, time, and effort. Never beg someone to come back or stay. You should never have to ask to feel wanted. Begging is demanding and degrading. If someone doesn’t willingly give you these things, with their arms wide open, they aren’t worth it. No one— under any circumstances is ever worth begging for. Remember that.

4. Move On

Moving on After a while, the hurt hurts less. You start to see reason; understand why they did what they did. Knowing it takes two hands to clap. Learn, that not everyone you meet will stay in your life forever. Sometimes, they’re a passing character in your book. There to teach you a certain lesson, to help you experience different things in life; different emotions, to grow, and maybe to show you how to love yourself better. Find your worth.

Some of these characters will be difficult to replace when their time has come to an end in a chapter of your life. But, it’s important to learn to see the necessity to let them go, even if you don’t want to. In the beginning, it will hurt. It’s the kind of hurt that will leave you crying till you fall asleep at 3 am with red puffy swollen eyes. The kind of hurt that follows you everywhere – reminding you of the memories you had once shared at particular places you pass by. The hurt that leaves you thinking if you ever meant anything to them.

Heartbreak is inevitable, especially with the people you love. But if it’s one thing I’ve learned, is you can’t expect them to love you back the same way you love them with the same amount of intensity. That is the sad truth. You can love someone as hard as you like, but that doesn’t determine the way they’ll love you back. You can have multiple connections with people, but that does not necessarily mean that they are meant for you, so is the same with love. This applies to both friendship and relationships, as we hate to admit it.

The hardest part about losing someone you love is not the goodbye, rather it’s learning to live without them. And what fuels the hurt is when you see how they’re able to move on without you. But can you blame them? Honestly, you can’t.

“if you love that person, you will want them to be happy. Even if it means they’re going to be happy without you, you will respect that and let them go. Because you want them to be happy”.

My Mom

But what if I don’t want to let them go? Would you rather be happy with someone, but that person does not feel the same kind of happiness with you? That bothered me, a lot honestly. The things people cherish for the most are being loved and valued. However, when you look for love, to find that healing to fill the void they’ve left, I have found that it never really works out. It’s not purely genuine. I feel it’s more of a forced connection because you want to fill that void, you crave that drug and rush called ‘love’ because it’s a beautiful feeling.

However, the best kind of love, something that I find the purest, is the one found unexpected. Because you’re not looking for something, you’re not looking for healing. Sometimes, through the people that we meet, we find healing and the world doesn’t seem that bitter after all. They help you get back on your feet, but you’re much stronger now. Stronger than before, aware. Aware of how love can be so fragile and pure yet has the power to break, shatter, and destroy.

Don’t worry about anything, one day you will meet someone who is going to know how you feel without you telling them, understand what exactly you need from just the look on your face or that you’re crying without shedding tears. They are going to know all of it. Everything. from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. They are going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? They are still going to love you. Because you’re worth it.

Because You’re Worth It

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

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