Relationships have their own ups and downs, compromises and sacrifices, arguments and misunderstandings. But this is completely normal and as a result, there are exceptions to what not to say in an argument with your partner.
With all these, love still remains a beautiful thing and as such there are words and statements to never utter to your partner – even at your angriest. Let’s go through some of those words and statements.
What You Should Avoid Saying in An Argument
1. “You’re Such a Failure”, “You Can’t Do Anything Right”, or “Why Are You Such a Failure in Every Aspect?”
Words above when said will be heartbreaking and shocking to your partner. As such, words like that should not be said to the person you claim to love just because of a misunderstanding.
Words sadly can never be taken back once uttered in the peak of anger and rage. As a result, these words will forever be engraved in their hearts and that might cause ruins in your relationship.
Unless of course, they have a really strong forgiving heart.
2. “I Wish I Never Met You”, “I Wish I Never Knew You”, or “I Wish I Never Gave You a Chance”
When such words are uttered, you tell your partner you regret everything and anything you two must have been through. Consequently, even if you don’t mean it, the deed has already been done.
This is the worst you can do and say to them as it makes them start having doubt if you ever truly loved them. No matter how pissed you are, this is a thing to avoid saying to your partner as you can never take them back once said.
3. “Do Whatever, You’re Such An Idiot”, “You’re Such An Idiot”, “You’re Mad”, or “You Piece of Shit”
Ever heard of “bridges” in a relationship? In other words, a path that disconnects bonds and foundation? This is what leads to bridges in a relationship.
It tells your partner you don’t respect them, their opinions, and their values. Also, you tell them that you see them as worthless, and even if you don’t mean that, well guess what? You can’t eat your words back now, can you?
4. “Your Parents Are So…”, “Your Mother Is So Full of Herself. Who Does She Think She Is?”, or “Your Father Is So Silly, Why Did He Do That?”
Above all things you should never say in an argument, this is everyone’s top priority. It is quite understandable as families should be highly respected not only in relationships but in general. It is very important and as such, should never be tampered with. Never bring their parents into an argument you both are having.
Words like that really pierce through especially when it’s carried with insults or anything, its best you don’t. There is no justification for this, leave them out of your mouth, always.
5. “You Shouldn’t Feel This Way”, or “You Shouldn’t Be Feeling This Way About This Issue”
It is not right to tell them how they should feel and how not to feel when in the heat of an argument. You should rather try to calm them down and understand but telling them how they should feel and think is wrong.
You should let them feel and do whatever they want as long as they are not breaking things around the house. People are entitled to their feelings. Therefore, you should understand them in situations like this.
6. “I Don’t Have Time for This”, “I Don’t Have Time for This Shit Right Now”, or “I Don’t Have Time for Your Tantrums Right Now”
These, I’ve seen mostly in the movies and the actor always walks out afterwards and every-time, it annoys. So, therefore, I’ll be including this as what not to say in an argument with your partner. This action is quite hurtful and disrespectful as you’re telling them you don’t care or want to listen to what they have to say.
As a result, you pass the message that you don’t respect them or their opinions and this ruins communication and builds bridges.
7.“I Hate You”, or “You Piss Me Off, I’m Starting to Hate You”
This is just unnecessary and it’s my top on the list when it comes to things you should never say in an argument to your partner.
Consequently, this builds doubt even after you both resolve the issues. The words linger and stays and this leads to mistrust in the relationship and that is why it should be avoided.
8. “Shut up!”, “That’s Dumb”, or “That’s a Lie, Just Shut Up”
These particular words sound dismissive – you’re done talking and whatever it is they have to say, you don’t want to listen.
It’s disrespectful and shouldn’t be uttered unless when you’re being playful and not in the heat of an argument.
You should listen to your partner and give them the chance to talk and explain themselves but don’t dismiss them abruptly.
9. “Bitch/Asshole/Slut/Whore, Fuck You”, “Fuck You, Bitch/Asshole”, or “You’re Lying, You Bitch/Slut”
Here is yet another dismissal tone but this carries heavy words, heavyweight like Mohammad Ali. A partner going as far as insulting one and attributing such words to them is a low blow and not ideal at all.
These are all vulgar words and should not be introduced in a heated conversation with your partner. And as a result, you might not recover from this one once uttered.
Like I said, relationships are bumpy but learn to train your mind to not lose yourself in the heat of the moment. If you’re having a hard time, you should check out how to improve your communication skills.
Try this – take the moment to calm down, relax, pause the argument, resolve, and communicate with a cool head.
Patience is indeed a virtue in every relationship. So, be patient, understanding, and have the right use of words.
You could tell us more in the comments section below. Thank you.
Marriage is an act of nature that humans engage in at a point in time in their lifetimes. Humans belong to different tribes, and sometimes one’s tribe determines the kind of person they turn out to be most at times. Here, we are going to limit ourselves to ‘Hausa’ as a tribe. Now, talking about the things to know about Hausa tribe ladies, this article is important for you.
Is there any Hausa lady you want to date with the intention of marriage? Is there any Hausa lady you are already planning to settle down with? If yes, there are a few things you need to know. Stay with me! This article seeks to give you all the things you need to know beforehand before tying the knot with a Hausa lady.
Though there are different categories of Hausa ladies, almost all fit in this sense. Refer to signs to know that a Hausa Lady Loves You to see the categories. When you’re considering taking a Hausa tribe wife, here are things to know about Hausa ladies:
Things to Know before Marrying a Hausa Tribe Lady
1. They Are Mostly Religious
The northern part of Nigeria is arguably the most religious part of the nation, and the most religious tribe amongst them is the Hausas. Therefore, you should put it at the back of your mind, most especially if you are a socially inclined person that you may end up marrying a religious woman.
As a socially inclined dude, living with a religious woman can be disturbing and sometimes, very unbearable. This is because both of you see things differently.
If you know you aren’t ready to cope with that, do not even start. Get someone your type to settle down with as marriage isn’t meant to be temporary, but a lifetime thing!
My advice to people always is “marry your type!”
2. Their Morality is Mostly Intact Compared to Other Tribes from the North
Furthermore, one of the things to know about Hausa ladies is that they are modest. Modesty is a common outfit many people wear in the North.
Whenever the word ‘modesty’ comes up, women are the first to come to most peoples’ minds. Most Hausa ladies are modestly dressed. Visit the North and see that for yourself! Very visually pleasing, I must say.
This is a result of inadequate exposure to western life as they mostly see that way of life as not appropriate, taboo, and unreligious because it goes against almost every teaching of the two most practised religions (Islam and Christianity) in that part of the country.
Another piece of advice I usually give is: ‘Always marry someone of equal social class with you’.
3. They are Mostly Housewife-Oriented
Another very important thing to know about Hausa ladies is that they are brought up in an environment that believes a wife should just be a housewife and nothing more.
Sadly in this generation of ours, we still have people who believe that a woman shouldn’t engage in any form of work, therefore, should be fully unproductive except for childbearing and household chores. Although, some educated ones think otherwise.
So if you are the kind of person who wants your spouse to go out and do something productive, you may have a huge problem to deal with.
I suggest you search elsewhere!
4. Hausa Ladies Hardly Give Financial Assistance
Because the Hausas believe that all the three (3) basic human needs (food, clothing and shelter, and others) are the sole responsibility of the husband, they do not like to assist in taking care of the house or marriage financially, even if they are working-class or engaged in one kind of trade or the other. They majorly stick to their primary role of cooking and childbearing.
More so, because Hausa women believe that one of the only religious aspects that Hausa men like to practice and adhere to strictly is ‘MARRIAGE’; they can take a second, third, and even a fourth wife even if it is evident that they do not have the financial and physical capabilities to do so.
Frankly speaking, some of them can only take half a wife if a thing like that exists. It makes Hausa women believe that “even if I give him any form assistance, he might feel relaxed and may eventually begin to see the need to take a second wife because that is the norm of the day”.
5. They Are Mostly Ungrateful
It’s commonsense to show appreciation to someone for every gratitude shown to you by them.
Sad to say, in the northern part of Nigeria, we lack that most especially among Hausa people. As a result, most Hausa women see their husbands as just slaves because they are ordained by God Almighty to take care of their every need. This makes them not show appreciation to their spouses for every effort they make to make ends meet for the family.
A Hausa friend of mine who is married to a Hausa lady used to say: “If I have the chance or means to take a second wife, I will definitely not settle for another Hausa lady because most of them are ungrateful, mine inclusive”. See that?
6. Make Sure to Choose Her Friends for Her
Ladies, in general, have wide listening ears to their friend’s advice, which is mostly wrong; Hausa ladies are not an exception.
They fail to understand that no two families are the same in terms of everything, and so, there is some advice you take from your fellow married woman and some you don’t. What works for them may not necessarily work for you.
To be on the safer side as a husband, engage yourself fully in selecting the kind of friends she should mingle with.
Advisably, considerably reduce her Hausa tribe friends and encourage her to make friends with other tribes outside of Northern Nigeria.
7. Some of Them Are Disrespectful
This may sound too harsh but that’s the truth. Gone are the days when discipline can be administered by even non-members of the family. Nowadays, even that is not evident within a family. This is very common in Hausa land.
One of the things to know about Hausa tribe ladies is that they are mostly disrespectful. This is a result of inadequate respect shared within most Hausa families and their environment. It is typical to see a wife disrespecting her husband before his children because he doesn’t put food on her table. Now, what do you expect of a lady who was brought up in that kind of family and environment?
With that said, be ready to put a stop to that if she shows any sign to you. If you can’t handle that, be rest assured it may even go way beyond you to your family!
8. They Are Pleasingly Beautiful
If you’ve been to the Northern part of Nigeria, you will testify to that. You need to see how glowing their faces are with little or no make-up.
This is surely one of the things to know about Hausa tribe ladies.
9. Hausa Ladies are Complacent
Complacency is a feeling of calm satisfaction with your own abilities or situation that prevents you from trying harder
Staying with a complacent wife can be frustrating if you are directly the opposite type. You will want her to move forward, say, further her studies, but no, she wants to stay put.
A typical Hausa lady sees no need to change whatsoever. Whenever she attains a certain level in her life that she sees as standard, she becomes content.
The world is evolving and we cannot afford to be dwelling in one place. So get ready to break that spirit of hers!
Marriage is a beautiful thing and enjoyable when you meet the right lady, and can also be a pain in the ass if you marry the wrong one. Know that Hausa ladies like every other lady can be fun to be with if you handle them well.
The above-mentioned things to know about Hausa ladies will go a long way in helping you know what kind of spouse you want to take beforehand.
Having known all these points, are you willing to proceed with your dating or wedding plan with her? Please share with us in the comments section. If you think I missed a point, kindly share as well. Thank you.
If you find this article useful, you should also read on: 12 Factors to Consider When Choosing a Life Partner and 10 Things Every Marriage Needs.
As a parent, I assume there were things you wished your parents had taught you while growing up. Also, there was the hurtful treatment you received from them, that you wished you could reverse. Back then I’m sure you had promised yourself to become a better version of your parents to your kids. In this post, I will share 8 parenting mistakes to avoid while handling your kids.
Currently, the ball of parenting is in your court, instead of finding it easy and interesting as you’ve imagined. Reverse the case, you’re struggling to keep up with parenting. Indulging in all forms of parenting mistakes to avoid while grooming a child. The role of parenting is tasking and requires courage to get it right.
8 Parenting Mistakes Every Parent Must Avoid
1. Do Not Be Mr. and Mrs. Busy Outfit
There is a natural urge in parents to provide the necessities of life for their family and there is nothing wrong with that. But in that process, the majority abandon their kids to grow and look after themselves. Perhaps, hand them over to a nanny or a relative to look after while they are engrossed in their jobs, career, business, and personal issues. This approach is dangerous and affects your kids negatively.
As parents never sacrifice the well-being of your kids for a job that’s extremely demanding and takes you away from them. If that continues their needs and wants will become unnoticeable to you. Hence, spend more time with them by balancing your schedule.
In short, your kid’s happiness is your priority as a parent. That implies being there for them. The more you distance yourself from your kids, the love bond begins to fade, and gradually they see you as a stranger. Clinging unto whoever spends more time with them.
2. Imposing Your Will on Your Kids
Conflict of interest creates disunity in a family. Parents assume they know what suits their kids best, without considering their kid’s opinions. That’s wrong, it kills a child’s creativity and freedom. Furthermore, it also steals their happiness.
Yes! You have a right to make choices for your kids, still, that be open to hearing theirs. Instead of imposing, attempt in convincing them with reasons why their choice may not profit them and how yours would benefit them more. For instance, instead of imposing your choice of career on them, ask them their ambitions.
3. Do Not Compare Your Kids!
Comparing your kids to someone is one of the biggest parenting mistakes to avoid. Psychologically when you compare your child to others or their siblings you’re hampering their performance most especially academically. As a present cultivate the habit of embracing and celebrating your kid’s uniqueness. Do you want your child to improve? If yes, make them believe in themselves by showing how proud you are of them.
Malam Usman and his wife had a son who experiences difficulty in spelling and reading fluently. Whereas, his younger siblings were exceptionally brilliant. Rather than comparing him, perhaps highlighting his disability, they chose to encourage him and got him an English tutor, which is the right way to raise a child with a disability.
To their amazement, he picked up so fast and became eloquent in spelling and reading. If you observe closely, this couple didn’t pressure their son through comparison. Employ these tactics as a parent.
4. One Mistake You Could Do as a Parent Is Not Leading by Example
This is another parenting mistake to avoid when handling your kids. As a parent, know that you’re a role model to your kids. Don’t expect them to do as you say while they watch you do the opposite. The way you live your life as a parent is reflected in the upbringing of your kids.
There are certain behaviours, you shouldn’t display in front of your kids, such as quarreling as a couple. It’s wrong and destabilizes your kids. I advise if there is a misunderstanding between you and your partner learn to settle it in private and not in the presence of your kids.
Also, avoid taking hard drugs or harmful substances while telling your kids they are hazardous to their health. Lead by example as a parent, not by mare instructions.
5. It’s Wrong to Ignore Your Kids Passion
Kids are creative and love to explore. As loving parents, one of the gifts you can offer to your child is supporting and promoting their passion, this can be artworks, crafts, singing, dancing, writing, and more. How then can you support them and become their biggest fan when you can’t tell where their passion lies?
Most times, they even walk up to you and showcase their talents. How do you react as a parent? Let’s see, you push them aside, give flimsy excuses, show less interest, ask them to stop bothering you, and come back later.
All these behaviours are parenting mistakes to avoid as much as possible. Next time, when your kid walks up to you, suspend whatever you’re doing at the moment and show some concern. This includes their school work.
6. Extreme Punishment and Under-discipline
Parents often find it conflicting to differentiate between disciplining and punishing their kids. Of course, when they do what’s wrong they should be corrected appropriately, that draws their attention to why they are being punished. However, in that process, some parents may end up inflicting injuries on their children due to anger. It isn’t profitable to discipline a child out of anger it often results in something outrageous.
In that case, how should you discipline your kids? It is simple, corporal punishment should be avoided, your punishment should be on a minimal scale.
Afterwards, sit with that child, explain why they were punished and what is expected of him next time. This must be done in love.
7. One Mistake Parents Make is Trying to Raise Perfect Kids
There isn’t any perfect being in the world. Rather there is plenty of room for improvement. That’s the mindset you need as a parent when training your kids.
The moment you begin to foresee high expectations from your kids, indirectly you’re paving the way for hatred and bitterness towards your child when they don’t meet up to your set standard.
8. Shying Away From Sex-Talk
This is one of the parenting mistakes to avoid. As a parent, if you don’t advise your kids on the right way to go about sex in our crazy world, chances are; they get to hear it from other sources which may portray sex in the wrong manner to them. I see nothing wrong in teaching your kids purity and chastity before marriage.
This advice would help your kids become better tomorrow even while they are away from you. They should learn about the consequences and damages that are involved in premarital sex and also how to keep themselves away from such.
Also, create time to advise your kids, teach them acceptable characters to imitate and the ones to discard. Train them to stand for what’s right. And no matter the circumstances they should learn not to compromise their standard.
Being strict with your kids is never going to change or solve anything, learn to become their best friend. Likewise, limiting your kids is another parenting mistake to avoid. Don’t confine them to the walls of your house, allow them to explore and learn other aspects of life.
Share with us other parenting mistakes you feel People should avoid.