7 Ways You Can Overcome Childhood Emotional Neglect

7 Ways You Can Overcome Childhood Emotional Neglect

Unhappy adulthood is often a result of hurting childhood experiences. One of these hurting experiences is termed childhood emotional neglect. This form of neglect is done unintentionally for genuine reasons. Therefore, parents and caregivers may provide for a child’s basic needs and still neglect that child emotionally. However, in addition to its short-term effect comes unbearable scars of its long-term effects, that’s why many adults are still searching for how to overcome childhood emotional neglect mainly because the pain from childhood has refused to heal and is affecting another aspect of their lives most especially their relationship with their spouse and close associate.

What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Emotional neglect happens when parents and caregivers are uninterested or ignore a child’s emotional needs. What then are emotional needs? These are simply the feeling of being loved, knowing that someone cares about you, and is always there to encourage you even when you make mistakes.

Emotional neglect is made manifest whenever parents place high expectations on their kids, criticize them, or refuse to listen to them, or nag at them. Oftentimes, ignoring their sad looks, restricting their movement, or using insulting words while addressing them. Perhaps, not giving their kids support whenever they decide to pursue their discovered interest.

Unfortunately, as simple as it may appear it’s a parenting mistake that has destroyed the love bond between parents and their children.

What Are the Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect?

Emotional neglect might not have physical effects like other forms of abuse such as physical abuse and sexual abuse. However, its internal effects are as detrimental as a physical effect. This includes:

  • Numbing One’s feeling
  • Perfectionist attitude
  • Easily get discouraged
  • Prone to negative self-talk and thoughts patterns
  • Low self-esteem
  • Having the feeling of rejection
  • Reliving in the past
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Indifference towards other person’s feelings
  • Sad countenance
  • Poor self-discipline
  • People pleasers
  • Withdrawal from friends and family
  • Having the feeling of shame and guilt
  • Not trusting anyone.
  • Poor communication

7 Ways You Can Overcome Childhood Emotional Neglect

1. To Overcome Emotional Neglect Forgive Those Who Caused You Pain

In order to learn how to overcome childhood emotional neglect, you would have to do things you promised never to do, like forgiving those who caused you pain in the past. However, You might think nobody understands how badly you were hurt either by your parents or caregiver but for your good you need to forgive them. Refusing to forgive hinders your healing process, worsen your condition, and fills your heart with negativity.

As a victim of emotional neglect, you need to realize that those who hurt you had good intentions for you but were carried out wrongly. Therefore, forgiving will bring relief and happiness to your soul.

2. Let Go Of Your Past

Oftentimes, people claim to have forgiven those who hurt them but somehow they are still caught in the web of reliving their past. They find it difficult to move on, they keep on reflecting on how their emotions were shattered in the past. However, no matter how difficult it seems to forget you certainly have to learn how to take your mind off it each time it arises.

It’s pivotal you realize that dwelling in the past hinders you from focusing on today’s activities and enjoying the beauty that comes from them. Therefore, become committed to whatever you are doing at the moment, leaving no room for flashbacks on past experiences.

3. Self—acceptance Helps You Overcome Emotional Neglect

You might feel rejected and worthless as a result of being abandoned emotionally while growing up. However, what matters most is how you see yourself now. Unfortunately, the way you treat yourself is directly proportional to the way others will treat you. If you look down on yourself others will do the same.

Similarly, if you don’t believe in yourself or say negative words about yourself, that’s exactly what others will do. Therefore, irrespective of what you’ve been through, accept, value, and love yourself for there is plenty of room for positive growth.

4. Learn How to Recognize and Control Your Emotions

Those who are victims of childhood emotional neglect are prone to exhibiting negative and destructive emotions. In contrast, you could always substitute those negative impulses with positive ones. In essence, whenever you feel angry about your past, instead of retaliating, give yourself space, take control and replace it with positive emotions. This will prevent you from hurting yourself or others around you.

However, the best way to derive positive emotions is by setting your mind on those things which make you happy. This includes your interest, an adventure you did in the past, a scene from a movie, or past awards and accolades among others. In addition, positive emotions enhance emotional intelligence.

5. To Overcome Emotional Neglect, Choose Your Friends Wisely

Despite how shattered your emotions may be, you could still learn how to overcome childhood emotional neglect by carefully selecting those you associate with. Those you call your friend can make your life better or worse through their words and actions. Perhaps, you still surround yourself with discouraging friends, those who make you feel less of yourself and criticize your big goal, you need to rethink and discard such friends. This is because they will continually tear down your emotions.

In contrast, reselect those you associate with. Make friends with those that accept you for who you’re, encourage you, and bring out the best in you.

This set of friends will help you live above your childhood emotional neglect and have a happy life.

6. To Trash Out Emotional Neglect Become Active

As you learn more on how to overcome childhood emotional neglect, avoid staying ideal, as it makes you vulnerable to self-pity as a result of what you suffered during your childhood days. Therefore, to move to a better life, get involved in doing them worthwhile. This may require you to get a job, learn a skill, engage in your hobbies, or go on adventures with positive friends.

The goal of this is to take your mind off your past hurts and make you see thousands of reasons to live life the good way. Furthermore, avoid being alone for days without reaching out to anyone. That’s why you need positive friends with whom you can share your daily struggles and achievements.

7. Undergo A Therapy Class

Perhaps, you’re still struggling at overcoming childhood emotional neglect then it’s about time you undergo therapy. Therapy classes are not just for the traumatized victim, but all forms of emotional issues. The work of the therapist is to help you heal faster from your past wounds by helping you fix your mind on the present—a form of meditation.

Furthermore, provide you with tips to relate with others better like teaching you the 7C’s of communication. In addition, a therapist is also that listening ear to whom you can pour out your heartfelt pains at any time. I assure you of healing after undergoing a therapy session.

Conclusion

It’s detrimental if you attempt to overcome emotional neglect by doing the same thing that caused you pain to others, especially to your spouse or kids. The essence of you learning how to overcome childhood emotional neglect goes beyond healing yourself but that you also help others overcome and make the world a better place with healthy relationships.

If the tips provided here were helpful, then feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.

1 Out of 4 People in Arewa Suffer from Mental Conditions And This Is Why

1 Out of 4 People in Arewa Suffer from Mental Conditions And This Is Why

The rambles of traditional medicine sellers through loudspeakers is the hallmark of Arewa markets. We buy a myriad of regimens to strengthen our physical health, but the noun ‘mental health’ sounds unfamiliar to our intellects, even though many people suffer from mental health conditions in Arewa. To the average northerner, the mentally ill are those communally neglected people that are left to roam the streets with rags, eating insects, worms, and whatever is within their reach in the garbage and dumping sites. Well, you will no longer look at mental health from this angle after reading this post.

Are We Mentally Healthy?

Mental Health simply means emotional well-being, the ability of a person to cope with the normal stresses of life. Look at its positive side, and do what is beneficial to his/her immediate community.

Research has shown that one out of four people suffers from one mental health condition in Arewa. This means, if there are 8 people in your family, 2 are mentally ill, one might ask: why don’t we see them eating sand or greeting the clouds? It’s because mental illness is wider than what we imagine it to be.

My question goes: are you always able to manage with normal stress, see positivity, and do what is beneficial to others? We all are/might be patients at some point in life I suppose.

Time to Change Our Mindset

An average northerner does not count mental disorders among the major causes of physical ailments and morbidity. Also, an average northerner does not believe that western medicine can cure/manage mental disorder patients; hence, we associate mental illnesses with entirely different causes. Take a look at the following instances;

Children with attention deficit disorders who struggle with understanding concepts in school, yet we call them dullards

People with schizophrenia hear, see, and react to hallucinations, they relate with subjects that aren’t real. For that, we blame sorcery, witchcraft, or jinn possession

We believe people with amnesia (memory loss) and dementia (continuous loss of cognitive function) are caused by magical attacks from rivals.

Those suffering from social phobia and find it hard to relate with others and prefer staying in solitude are tagged as arrogant and masu-ji-ji-dakai. If they try socializing, they end up with anger issues due to anxiety disorders and we say they are jarababbu.

Someone afflicted by depression is tagged mai-ƙunci. After enduring and they decide to opt for suicide, they get judged by the community as someone that has no trust in Allah’s plan (maras tawakkali)

Whilst all the above boldly mental health conditions in Arewa and many more could be prevented by family support or managed by doctors, out of unawareness and negligence, we subject the patients to stigma and inhumane treatments.

How Do We Handle the Patients?

Most families regard it as an insult to have a mentally ill individual as their member; others imagine it to be a curse upon the lineage. For that, families and companions relate to the mentally ill in the following inhumanely ways;

Turning deaf ears to the stress, and not giving a damn about the emotional stability of fellows

Restriction of amnesia and dementia patients from meeting friends and guests in a bid to conceal their situation

Chaining  schizophreniacs with shackles to restrict movement and ensure the privy of their status

Taking panic attacks and epilepsy (not purely psychiatric) patients to traditional or religious rehabilitation centres, where they get whippings and incantations. A pity!

Giving food leftovers to the mentally ill, abandoning them to sleep on the streets with some even raped in the process.

The Good News Is…

When talking about physical health, we all know that some diseases are curable while others are manageable but none is invincible. The same applies to mental health, by consulting your primary care physician. You can be referred to a mental health specialist for proper treatment of your own or your loved ones’ mental disturbances.

The common signs of mental disorders include:

  • Extreme anger and frustration
  • Difficulty to sleep or sleeping excessively
  • Excessive fear of events or imaginary situations
  • Excessive eating or depressed appetite
  • Inattention, depressed mood, and fatigue
  • Alternating episodes of fanaticism and depression
  • Restlessness for not taking a drug or drink
  • Hearing, seeing, believing, or reacting to things or events that are not real.

When you have any of the above signs or notice any of them with a friend or family member, you shouldn’t delay consulting doctors for the condition to be curbed before getting worse. Just like malaria, mental illnesses are trials one should not be ashamed of suffering, seek out proper care. Please.

In addition, you should keep an eye on this space for subsequent posts about mental health awareness and improvements.

Remember; healthy mind, healthy life!

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