It is obvious that people are different because we are a product of our mindset, likes, family, environment and so on. We tend to behave or give priority to things depending on how who we are. How a relationship and marriage is, also depends on that. And again, we all want to be with our soulmates eventually, don’t we? In order to ensure a happy relationship or marriage, you need to look out for the below-mentioned signs that you found your soulmate.
Let’s go right into them!
Signs to Look Out on to Ascertain If You’ve Found Your Soulmate or Not
1. You Share Almost the Same Likes and Dislikes
One of the signs that you found your soulmate is when you have almost the same likes and dislikes. You should put it at the back of your mind that it’s not possible for you to find someone having exactly the same likes and dislikes as you, but make sure they have the majority of your likes, most especially what you know you can’t compromise on.
Check if they like doing the things that you love to do during your leisure time. More so, check if they have the same passion for something that means so much to you like you. Ascertain whether or not they are good to go on this aspect.
You found your soulmate if they have the greater percentage of your likes and dislikes. If not, most especially on the most important ones to you, you haven’t. I advise you to search elsewhere.
2. You Have a Compatible Genotype
Genotype is one of the tests that every couple intended to settle down should undergo or take. Ascertain whether or not if you guys are compatible by taking the test. If the result turns out to be AA + AA, you are good to go, AA + AS, good to go, and AA + SS, good to go as well. However, if it turns out to be AS + AS, it’s a disaster, AS + SS is an atomic bomb, while SS + SS is a weapon of mass destruction.
So, if the result comes out in your favour, you have found your soulmate in that aspect, nevertheless, if it isn’t, you haven’t.
The result of this test is very paramount because it will affect the children you both are going to have. In general, if you are AA, you can marry any person with any other genotype, but if you are AS or SS, make sure you look for someone with AA to settle down with, else, the possibility of giving birth to children with sickle cell is very high.
You wouldn’t want that, would you?
3. You Have the Same Idea of a Family
The idea of what a family differs from one person to another. To some, a family is one with a husband and wife with many children while it’s the one with fewer children to some. Others may see it as one comprising of just a husband and wife without any children.
Regardless of how people see it, ensure that the person you intend to settle down with has the same idea of a family like you. I beg you not to compromise on this in order to avoid a lot of ugliness later.
Congratulations if you’ve found your kind of person in this regard. This is surely one of the signs that you found your soulmate.
4. They Are as Religious/Social as You
This is another very important sign to look out for if you want to know whether or not you have found your soulmate. Check out if they are as religious as you or as social as you’re. If they are, you’ve found your soulmate, and you haven’t if otherwise.
As a religious person, you will love to have a family that your religion’s ethics and rules are the ones governing the affairs of your family and nothing else. And as a social person, you would love to be spontaneous; the traditional or western ways of life will be your choice of how you want your family to be. You wouldn’t want something else, would you?
I pray the one you find will be your type.
5. Their Family’s Ethics Are Just like Yours
The kind of family one is brought up in has a great influence on the kind of person they turn out to be, mostly. Whatever is obtainable in your family is what you see as normal and any other way is abnormal. This is because each and every family have their ethics and the way they do things.
For instance, in most northern family settings, strangers are not allowed into houses without any permission. Even with permission, you can’t just barge into the house without any prior notice that you will. In some other families, you are free to come in and go out of a house as you please.
Regardless of how your family is, as long as that’s exactly what you want, ensure you find someone with the same type of family. If you find that kind of person, you know they are your soulmate in this aspect, and not if otherwise.
6. If You Happen to See a Friend in Them
Your partner is someone who is expected to be your friend. Relationships that began with friendship tends to last longer than those that didn’t. If they are your friend, they will tend to understand you more; you can also laugh, play, and crack jokes together – do a lot of fun things together. Life is too short so why don’t we just enjoy it while it lasts?
If you don’t’ find a friend in them, all those listed cool stuff cannot be achievable. The house is going to be so boring. Trust me.
Ensure they are your friend and not just your partner. This is undoubtedly one of the signs that you found your soulmate.
7. When They Are Very Caring
The heart tends to love the person that cares for it. Your partner is caring to you if they care and support you in whatever positive thing that you do. This behaviour is aimed at reducing your distress or problems and supporting you in coping with your efforts in situations of either threat or challenge. It also entails them preserving and protecting your wellbeing regardless of whether they are accompanied by care and concern or not.
In marriages, there are lots of ups and downs – misunderstandings and fights, happy moments and miserable ones. If they are caring, they will make you feel more valuable and loved in happy moments and less miserable in moments of distress.
Therefore, if your partner is caring enough, then you have found your soulmate. If it’s otherwise, I advise you to quit the relationship.
8. They Always Put You First
We all have lots of things to do which are very important. Well, the idea of how ‘important’ something is to one differ from one person to another depending on how they see it. Regardless, however busy they are, they must try and create time for you and just you. You should also be at the top of their preference list. This excludes situations where they need to put you behind some things.
For instance, they have this promotion examination in their workplace and you need them close to you because you are somewhat ill or lonely. Or say, they have school fees to pay or house rent and you need to buy an item of clothing for pleasure or whatever reason it is. Of course, those problems surpass yours.
In general, you should always be put first in whatever is obviously less important than you. If they always put on one complaint or other to avoid you, you haven’t found your soulmate yet. However, if they always put you first, my dear, you have found your soulmate.
9. They Appreciate Your Every Little Effort
Everyone needs to be shown gratitude whenever they do something good. Your partner should always appreciate your every effort however little it may be. For instance, when you stock her store with foods stuff, buy her fancy clothes, or even pay her bills – even though it’s kind of your responsibility, she should be grateful and show appreciation towards that effort. And as a lady, when you make up for him, dress and smell nice, buy him gifts on occasions of relevance to him, he should thank you enough too.
This is surely one of the signs that you found your soulmate.
Soulmates are trucks of joy. They are the best things that can ever happen to anyone. If you’ve been with one before, or know someone who is with their soulmate, you surely will testify this assertion.
I advise before you embark on any relationship or marriage, ensure you look out for the above-mentioned signs that you have found your soulmate. As I said, you can’t find someone exactly like you, nowhere in the world does that kind of person exist. However, ensure they have the majority of the mentioned attributes.
Kindly tell us what you feel about this and also tells us other signs one can tell that they have found their soulmate in the comments section below.
Have you been pondering over the things you need to know or do before marriage? If yes, you’re at the right place! Just stay with me as I guide you through some marriage preparation tips.
Most of the marriages that crumbled, crumbled not because the couples aren’t in love, but because they failed to know some things that they ought to have known before even settling down. You wouldn’t want to have a failed marriage, would you?
The moment you decide to marry, know that you have embarked on a journey and there are important things to know and take along with you. Here are some marriage preparation tips to guide you through this journey:
Marriage Preparation Tips
1. Make Up Your Mind
This may sound easy, but trust me, if you carelessly overlook it, you will have yourself to blame.
Making up one’s mind is about coming to terms with their mind; they have to be on the same page. You can’t want to do something while your mind is thinking differently.
You do not want to prepare for a marriage you are not confident in, or still have lingering doubts about; this is a strong factor that could lead to failure in marriages.
2. Pray About It
Having made your mind up on settling down, as normal or conventional as it may sound, you need to pray. The northern part of Nigeria is arguably the most religious part of the country – Islam and Christianity and the two major religions. Both religions believe that whenever you set your mind on doing something, only your efforts or hard work won’t suffice, you also have to pray about it.
After all, marriage is not like an item of clothing, when it gets old or no longer fits you, you discard or give it to another person, NO. It’s a lifetime something. You need God’s interference, don’t you?
Prayer is the key to everything. So pray!
3. Discuss Responsibilities
To avoid responsibility clashes here and there, you need to discuss responsibilities.
There are of course responsibilities in every household. There is a need for you two to discuss and share those responsibilities. Some responsibilities are peculiar to men (like fending for the family) while others are to females (like childbearing, tidying up the house, etc.), and some are for both.
However you decide to share, it is ok as long as no one feels overburdened or cheated. Ensure to make it very clear.
You could also read on: Managing Shared Responsibilities.
4. Have a Role Model Couple
Having a role model is one of the marriage preparation tips you need to put into consideration. That role model could be some influential persons, friends, relatives, or even your parents. You chose them because they’ve been in marriage for a long time and have amassed themselves with a wealth of marital experiences.
They will come in handy when you have a problem with your spouse that needs to be resolved.
5. Try to Be Independent
In a typical northern Nigerian setting, a wife is a very dependent being. She engages in little or no productive stuff but is very productive when it comes to demand. As a female, you do not want to be that; your husband will love you less.
Most men nowadays do not even want a dependent woman, we prefer an independent woman – a woman who does some things for herself and can come to the aid of the family when the need arises. Unfortunately, some men nowadays have their eyes on their partner’s money. Guys, when you become too demanding, she gets tired of you too – it’s a two-way thing.
My advice for you is, try as much as possible to be independent.
Related:How Being Independent Can Keep You From Breaking Up.
6. Take a Genotype Test
Genotype is the genetic makeup of an individual passed from his parents. We have 4 types of genotypes: AA, AS, SS, AC. As an AA, you can marry any person regardless of their genotype – as a matter of fact, it is more advisable to not marry an AA, but any other genotype.
You and your partner must go for this test and be sure you two are compatible. If you aren’t, forget about that marriage. I know it’s not easy, but it’s better than what you will face in the future.
Go for that test NOW if you haven’t.
7. Be Yourself
Being you as one of the marriage preparation tips is paramount for a successful marriage. Do not be deceptive, show your true self – this doesn’t imply that if you have a bad habit, keep it, NO, change it. Let your partner get to know the real you so they don’t see someone different in you that they already know after marriage.
A piece of advice from me to you is “Never lie to satisfy somebody for a moment because the pain that you cause them in the future can last them for a lifetime”.
Please, be YOURSELF!
8. Mind Your Expenditure
One of the marriage preparation tips I’ll be sharing with you is ‘being mindful of your expenditure‘ – this is mostly for men. You need to know that you are about venturing into something way different from the life of a single person. Scale-preference your needs and concentrate on only the important ones.
Do not be tempted to go overboard when spending. Begin to train yourself to spend wisely, that skill will come in handy in your marital life.
9. Decide on Family Size
Deciding on the size of the family you both need or want is an important marriage preparation tip. You should know that a large family size comes with greater responsibilities and vice-versa.
Decide on the number of children you intend to have, and advisably, that should be proportionate to your income and available time – you need money to take care of the family needs and your children need your time as well.
Please, do not give birth to children you cannot cater for; that would be a very cruel thing to do to your children and society at large.
10. Be Obedient and Respectful
You need to be obedient and respectful to your partner. This mostly goes to females. You need to know that we men have ego and pride the size of Mount Everest. We, humans, want to be obeyed and respected by people or our subordinates, but for men, hmm, it’s something else. My dear future bride, have that obedience and respect coming your husband’s way non-stop.
Do not relent on this, DO NOT!
11. Stop Thinking Me, but Us
You need to know that marriage involves two people doing things together for the whole of their lives. As a result, you need to stop thinking about yourself whenever you want to do or say something, you should always consider your partner’s wishes and wants as well. Considering each other not only avoids unpleasant situations but strengthens your marriage beyond negative external forces.
12. Avoid Pre-Marital Sex
This is a big one. In the modern-day world, pre-marital sex has become a normal thing. Unfortunately, some tribes in Nigeria encourage it. However, it isn’t a good practice. There are repercussions to the act.
It brings about less trust in your partner on the issue (sex). You will be suspecting your partner whenever you see them with the opposite sex or when they are not around – say, when they come back home late, or when they are on a business or an official trip. And ‘trust’ my dear, is very important in a marriage. The moment you start suspecting your partner, that marriage is dead already.
Another advantage of not having pre-marital sex is that you don’t get to have a preference, whatever and however your man or woman is, you will be content, mostly.
So, my advice for you is, DON’T engage in pre-marital sex.
13. You Need to Be Patient
Whether it’s marriage or business, patience is the first rule of successWilliam Feather
One of the marriage preparation tips worth noting is ‘being patient’. There are lots of ups and downs in marriages. No marriage is free from troubles and hurdles. You have to find a way to deal with them as they come, and the best way to achieve that is by being patient with your partner and your marital life.
14. Test Their Patience Too
You will need to know how patient your partner is in terms of misunderstanding. For me, the best way to do that is by getting in a good fight – a very good one intentionally, and then see how they react. If they react favourably, then go for them, and if they react violently, I suggest you leave them. Do you know why? Because there are lots of ugly fights waiting for you in marriage, you do not want to take them (the fights) lightly.
15. Talk about Faith (Religion)
Before venturing into any marriage, talk about religious beliefs with your partner. It’s much easier if you’re both practicing the same religion because all you need to do is decide when and how religious practices should be carried out in the family. If you practice different faiths, you seriously need to have that talk.
Religion is a very sensitive thing now. Ensure that you set boundaries you both should not cross and respect each other’s faith. Any mistake could be disastrous. You should also decide on the faith of your children, the earlier you do that, the better.
You could also read on: Why Setting Boundaries in a Relationship is Important
16. Learn to Forgive
Another important marriage preparation tip worth practicing is ‘forgiveness’. Whenever your spouse upsets you and asks for forgiveness, forgive them. Forgive them even if they don’t ask for it, at least, so you could have a rest of mind.
Do not continue to dwell on previous mistakes of your partner because more are coming. When the problems become much, you lose control of yourself. So, forgive them to have a healthy marriage.
17. Be a Supporter
As a future husband, know that you need to support your future wife in terms of providing for her basic needs, and in whatever good she’s doing. And as a future wife, you need to be like a backup plan for your husband – be that kind of wife that your husband can rely on or fall back to when he is down financially or emotionally.
Support each other in good and unfortunate times.
There are tons of marriage preparation tips, some of which I haven’t included in my write-up – like trust, honesty, being faithful, trustworthy, etc. This is because I didn’t want to bore you with a lot to read. Notwithstanding, the above-mentioned tips should be enough guide for you to consider before tying the knot.
If you find this article interesting, please leave a comment on the comments section below, and also tell us other marriage preparation tips I haven’t mentioned. Thank you.
You could also read on: 10 Things Every Marriage Needs and 10 Things to Do at the Start of Every Relationship.
There should never be inequality and disrespect in a relationship but rather, your partner should let you be you and do you. In this article, I’ll be running you through things your partner should never ask you to do.
“I love you to the moon and back, I’ll do anything for you”
“I’ll move mountains, heaven, earth and then swim across the ocean, just to do anything for you”
Yes, when we’re in a relationship, it’s only natural you’d want to do all and anything for the person you love but an ideal and great partner is someone who is always supportive, loving, trustworthy, thoughtful, and above all, has your best interest at heart.
10 Things Your Partner Should Never Ask You to Do
1. Give up Something You Love
I know relationships call for sacrifices but not a complete submissive one where it makes you unhappy or does things you don’t want to.
Your partner asking you to give up on something you love means they are asking you to give up on what makes you whole, what gives you peace of mind, what makes you sane, and what makes you happy. This is selfish of your partner as they are not putting your interest at heart and this is non-negotiable.
2. Quit Something You Love
This is something I’ve noticed is mostly done to ladies. You tend to give up your love for a hobby – hair styling, baking, cooking, fashion designing, or law career.
Yes, you love your partner to the moon and back but accepting to quit what you love for them is not proof of your love at all. If your partner is asking you to quit something you love and is not at least compensating you with something greater that is comforting – this should be a NO.
If you’re asked to quit your job which is a pay of 250k monthly and they are willing and able to give you that 250k to do so, now that’s negotiable. This is one of the things your partner should never ask you to do.
3. Put up With Unacceptable Behaviours from Friends and Family
When it comes to things your partner should never ask you to do, this should not even be a topic of discussion and should not be accepted no matter how much you want to move that mountain for them. Let that mountain remain the way it is, don’t move it.
“We want you to stop working”
“I want you to be a full-time housewife”
Their friends and family should accept you for who you are and not be rude to you, or even ask you about things you don’t want to. There should be respect from both parties. Remember, your partner even asking this of you should be telling you he only cares, values, and cherishes his own and that is wrong. Your partner’s love towards you is how their parents will love you – let him love and treat you right.
In general, your partner should not ask you to accept unacceptable/uncomfortable behaviors from friends and family and you definitely should not ask that of him too.
Your partner should not ask you to do things in the bedroom you’re not comfortable with. Take, for instance, you hate doggy style/anal sex or you hate it when he uses objects on you, you talk to him about it. Him asking you to tolerate such should not be a topic of discussion, make it clear that you do not like such.
4. Keeping You Away from Friends and Family
Your partner should never ask this of you but here, there’s room for negotiation which is limiting the time you spend out with friends and family due to the kids, your safety, chores, or your career. Our husbands are our kings and as such we should always respect them.
But when they start asking you to not spend time with your friends and family at all, that’s when you don’t accept. They should know you cherish and love your friends and family and that’s selfish of them to ask such.
5. Coverup for Domestic Violence
First off, speak up if you’re being battered in your own matrimonial home – cry out for help, talk to friends and family. Say NO to abusive and domestic violence.
Your partner should not ask you to lie or cover up a bruise they gave you due to a mistake you made neither should they ask you not to tell your friends and family. There’s no reason or justification for such an act.
Your partner should never lay their hands on you, ever. This is harmful to you, your health, and your kids as you’re subconsciously ruining what marriage should be for them.
6. Change Yourself Completely
Your partner should not ask this of you and you should never accept this. You’re YOU and that’s your superpower.
A partner asking this of you is only abandoning you both emotionally and physically – and you should never feel alone and abandoned in a relationship. It’s a relationship remember, it takes two to work.
Your partner rather should love and accept you for who you are, correct you when you’re in the wrong, support you, and guide you.
7. Do Drugs
Among the things your partner should never ask you to do, this is my second best. Your partner should not tell you to pick up bad habits and you should never accept this in a bid to move a mountain. Picking up bad habits like doing drugs is harmful to you, your health, and the relationship and it is unhealthy.
Such a partner tends to have a controlling edge over you and trust me, you don’t want that. A controlling personality weakens you, your strength and restrains you from having your own free will of thinking. Stand up and say NO to drugs.
8. Agree to/with Everything They Tell You
Saying “Yes love” every time to your partner is unhealthy especially when you’re being compelled to. You should tell them the truth and they should listen and understand if they are wrong and make adjustments too if need be.
You’re entitled to your opinions, options, and saying ‘no’ to something you find wrong. Tell them the truth always, that’s how you move mountains not by lying because you’re trying to please them. Always stand your right – let them hear the truth. This is a thing your partner should not ask you to do.
9. Give up Your Religion
Changing your beliefs, values, and religion just because you’re trying to please someone and showing them you love them should never cross your mind. Never sacrifice that just because they ask you to.
I know people change religions but that is because they want to and that is okay, we respect everyone’s decision without judging them but do not change your religion just because they ask you to.
No, stand for your right and tell them you won’t, but if the thought crosses your mind, let it be that you’re doing that for you and not for them. If that mountain doesn’t want to stay because you said NO, then let it move in another direction.
10. Include Someone into Your Sexual Life
When it comes to things your partner should never ask you to do, this is my top 1. Your partner even asking this should be an eye-opener that they do not value what they have with you neither do they respect your body.
Your partner should not ask you to have a threesome with us friends or your friends or some stranger from the street. You also should not think of accepting this and it is non-negotiable as this is preposterous. If your love and sex life is boring, there are things you could do like see a therapist or start all over again and if it’s not working, there are other people who will move mountains for you.
Your partner should never ask you to be someone else other than your true and original self. Don’t let them pressure you into doing things that make you uncomfortable just because you’re trying to please them – it’s a relationship, lookout for signs of a controlling person before going into it.
Communicate about what they might be doing as some might be doing so without their knowledge but never, do not negotiate your happiness because you want to move that mountain to please them.
I might have missed a thing or two, comment below, and let’s talk about it.
Breakups can be very frustrating and depressing. Although some breakups are healthy ones, others can be disastrous; some can be intentional, by mistake or misunderstanding; some could also be your fault and some not. Do you want to win them back? If yes, no problem, just stay with me as I guide you on the ways to get your ex to want you back.
11 Ways to Get Your Ex to Want You Back
1. Make up Your Mind
When your mind is focused and made up, you don’t make excuses. You try. If you fail you try again. Louis Farrakhan
Like I always say, making up your mind towards trying to achieve something is the first thing to do after considering it. So, make it your goal to get that person no matter what and be optimistic about it. Always remember that you will get nowhere by not trying no matter how difficult it may seem. Don’t linger, don’t fret, just go for it.
Remember, you’ve got one advantage, ‘you were once theirs’ and who knows? They may already want you back! As said:
Make up your mind, Snail! You are half inside your house, and halfway out!Richard Wright
2. You Want Them Back? Begin to Do Things Yourself
Be independent of them.
One of the ways to get your ex to want you back is by beginning to do things yourself if you happened to be someone who was overly dependent or reliant on them to get things done during your broken relationship. Let them see that you can live comfortably without them. That will surely make them begin to see your worth. By just that, they may start considering you back. Isn’t that what you want?
Always remember, nobody… I mean, nobody wants to be dependent on except when it becomes necessary, like that of parents to their children.
3. Dress Well and Smell Nice
Oh, God! Have you any idea how dressing well and smelling nice can get you any lady or guy? If you don’t, you’re welcome. Dressing and smelling nice is how you should always be whether or not you are in a relationship, but it’s a plus when you are trying to get someone’s attention.
Whenever you’re going to be anywhere around them – like going to work, school or class (if you work, school or attend lectures together), you are going to their house or neighbourhood or any place you are sure they are most likely to be there, be sure you are well dressed and smell nice.
Put on that kind of outfit that you know they like. Be elegant, dress to kill, and look very responsible as you do so. Anything is ok as long as you make it hard to be ignored or get unnoticed by them, positively. It’s surely one of the ways to get your ex to want you back.
4. Stop Acknowledging Their Presence
This is applicable in situations where you had always wanted to be close to them in any way during your broken relationship. Who knows? Perhaps, this habit of yours was what pushed away them in the first place. Even if you weren’t like that, that’s no problem, just make them look less or not important.
When you meet anywhere, whether or not you planned it, do not acknowledge their presence. Do not say things like ‘you look beautiful’, ‘you look takeaway’, or say ‘I miss you’ mistakenly however tempting it may be. Hahaha. If you do that, they will feel important and my dear, you have lost your shot; balance, and aim again next time.
5. Show Them You Care
If you want them back, show them lots of care. Be always there when they need someone, someone LIKE YOU. Never relent on doing or saying anything they show you they want. Try cooking a delicious meal for them – their favourite most preferably, be their first good morning and their last good night. If possible, visit whenever something good or unfortunate happens to them, visit their parents if you can still do that, just anything. Do anything positive to show them they are still well cared for by you.
Doing so will not only score you a chance of winning their heart back, but they get to value you way more than they did before. I guarantee this one of the ways to get your ex to want you back for you.
6. Be Scarce
One of the ways to get your ex to want you back is by being scarce. Scarcity creates value or importance. You don’t know that? Now you do! Do not avail yourself to them at all times. Sometimes, what or who you see too often, tends to be of less importance to you – you know that to be true, but when they are not always available at your disposal, their value increases in your sight.
Therefore, do not make yourself available in their presence no matter how hard you want to do that, no matter how difficult it is for your heart as your endures. Just keep at it. The end result will definitely be worth the patience or endurance. That’s how it is.
So, be scarce!
7. Begin to Do Things They Like and Avoid Things They Don’t
Recall what you may have done that ended the relationship, or what they have always wanted you to do that you don’t do. Recall those moments that you hurt them as a result of your actions. Try not to miss every single detail.
When you do, prepare your mind to be a changed person with regards to that. Begin to do things they like and avoid things they do not like. Remember, the heart will almost always want the person who likes what they like and vice versa.
However, if you sincerely know that the breakup wasn’t your fault, then all you need to do is continue to be you and adjust to those things that they don’t like. That way, they will miss being with you and it’s only a matter of time before they come your way, again.
8. Be Smarter Than They Know
Is it just me? But there is something about smart people that makes me attracted to them. Try to improve on your intelligence. If they know you to be this intelligent, be that intelligent, and if they know you to have a low IQ, try and improve by reading books on intelligence, study quotes on intelligence, watch movies related to that, take online courses and the likes.
This may take a long time before it begins to manifest, but you can try, most especially, if you are enjoying the breakup at the moment, but will consider them in the future. Chances are, they are already noticing you, and that’s good.
Don’t worry even if you don’t get them back, at least, you have raised your personal and societal status by being more intelligent. This is surely one of the ways to get your ex to want you back.
9. Want to Get Them Back? Flirt With Them
This is strictly for divorcees I suggest. You don’t want to flirt with them if you never were married to them before, would you? They may look down on you. But for divorcees, this may be a very good opportunity to shoot your shot.
You already know them very well; what they like and how they react to flirtations. Use that to your advantage. Executing that through phone-calling could not be as effective as sexting. Send them that kind of flirty message that will make them want to touch you so badly.
Flirting with them a little will be of no harm. Try it.
10. Contact Them Less Often
One of the ways to get your ex to want you back is by reducing the number of times you call them, or not even calling them at all, depending on the situation. Even if you feel the urge to because you really want to hear from them, DON’T. When you feel the need to visit them as usual, also DON’T. Let them miss your presence, your voice, your sarcasm, your sense of humour, your personality, and all that.
11. Get a Partner or Pretend to Have One
Make them crazily jealous.
Is there that someone whom they know has been crushing on you while you two were together? Consider them. Is there that friend of theirs that has been wanting to get your attention? Consider them. Sounds cruel right? Look at it carefully, it doesn’t. Remember the situation they’ve put you in and you will see reasons why this is an option for you if you want them back. If you are just acting and not serious, be a very good actor. Ensure all the tracks that may lead them to find out you’ve been acting are well blocked.
If they know, they will get really jealous and my dear, that feeling could trigger the love they once had for you. Now, you will be left to decide whether or not to end your present relationship or stop acting. If the former is the case, decide with caution.
Not all ways mentioned above are suitable at all times. They are dependent on how you want them back – is it because you still love them and the breakup was your fault, or you love them and the breakup wasn’t your fault? For instance, you can’t ‘show them care’ if they broke up with you for no reason or for the wrong reason(s). That’s showing low self-esteem. And you can’t be ‘scarce’ when the breakup was actually your fault. Make sure to use the one that suits your situation best.
If you find this article to be interesting or helpful, drop a comment in the comments section. And if you feel something was left out, kindly tell as well. Thank you.
Related: 7 Proven Ways to Get Over Your Ex and 13 Ways to Get Someone Love You.
Jealousy could result from being suspicious towards your partner; resentment towards someone for a perceived advantage or superiority they hold, and envy towards another’s possessions, or a close concern for someone. Arguably, jealousy is something everyone is born with; it is one’s inert ability, funny. In some cases, jealousies are advantageous while in some cases, problematic, which could even result in a breakup. There are different reasons or causes of jealousy in a relationship, some of which are:
Causes of Jealousy in a Relationship
1. Keeping in Touch With Your Ex
Some relationships end between partners due to incompatibility, disagreement, infidelity, and the likes, while some are as a result of external forces outside of those in the relationship. If the latter is the case, there is a proclivity that one will feel the need to see, talk to, or mingle with their ex because the love is still there. Now when this happens, the present partner, be it the guy or the lady will start to feel jealous.
Also, in a situation whereby a couple is divorced and both are happily married to different people, there is a need for the ex to communicate with each other most especially if there are kids in between; the wellbeing of their children is their responsibility. Now as a partner of either of the two, jealousy is something you will feel. You can’t help it.
2. Having Friends of the Opposite Sex
This is one of the common causes of jealousy in a relationship, only a few persons will disagree. Most people like the feeling of “I am the only for my man/woman and so, no one from the opposite sex should come close to my man/woman”.
In Northern Nigeria, it is evident that men and women hardly engage in boy/girl friendship and so, when you see your partner with the opposite sex, jealousy will set in. On the contrary, this is not true among the educated Northern Nigerians, majorly.
3. Inadequate Attention
Everyone by nature needs attention – attention from the opposite sex, be it your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife.
When you care about someone, you will require lots of attention from them. If that attention you crave is channeled in a different direction, jealousy will set in. In the case of a boy/girl relationship, a partner (married couples including) feels jealous when the other is busy concentrating more on other stuff or devoting most of their time in, maybe sports, work, studies etcetera.
Married couples, especially husbands, complain a lot. Most women tend to give more of their attention to their children than their husbands. The attention decreases as the number of children increases. They kind of feel their husbands are grown-ups and so can take care of themselves, but their kids are vulnerable. This results in jealousy on the side of the husbands.
For instance, I once read a story online by a whore saying, a man asked for her hands in marriage simply because he doesn’t get the attention he wants from his wife. She (the whore) eventually turned him down because she doesn’t want to be in any committed relationship. How absurd!
4. Feeling Insecure
This is the fear of been replaced due to one’s incompetence, complacency, or inability to do certain things for their partner. This comes into play when you feel you are not exactly what your partner wants in a man or woman, or when you are not self-confident.
Insecure feeling tends to make you feel jealous whenever you see your partner with someone who has what they want or need that you don’t. This feeling can be blood-sucking; one needs to find a way to do away with it.
It might interest you to read on Improve Your Self-Confidence With These 6 Proven Ways and The Feeling of Insecurity and How to Avoid It.
In the Northern part of Nigeria, sometimes siblings find themselves living in the same house or compound with their wives.
Oftentimes, women tend to disagree on things amongst themselves by default – things that may not even matter at all. This causes jealousy in a situation whereby one of the siblings happens to be richer, more handsome, has a sense of dressing, etc. than the other. The latter’s wife may sometimes get jealous of the former’s wife. This gives birth to an ‘unhealthy competition’. In some cases, this jealousy or rivalry is stronger and fiercer than one between or amongst co-wives.
6. Trust Issues
Trust is something partners need to earn between themselves, not demand. In a situation where a partner is making frequent calls or being visited regularly by a colleague of the opposite sex from the office or workplace, this causes jealousy; or a situation where partners have been engaged in pre-marital sex (in the case of married couples and boy/girl relationship), it is easy for jealousy in regards to that surface.
Whenever your partner is not with you, you feel they are with someone else. Avoiding premarital sex and unnecessary communication between you and the opposite sex will play a huge role in eliminating jealousy between partners.
This is one of the causes of jealousy in a relationship. Perfectionism is an unwillingness to settle for anything less than perfect. Some people are perfectionists; a brother of mine is like that too. Everything and everyone has to be perfect or else, not significant.
People like that get easily jealous when they see you (their partner) with someone better than them.
Loosen up a little, and you will find everyone perfect in their own way, you perfectionist! Lolz.
8. Stalking Your Partner
Another cause of jealousy is when you keep following or stalking your partner; knowing his/her every movement, monitoring their phone calls or text messages, unnecessarily meddling in their affairs, and the likes.
No one is perfect; we all make mistakes. By so doing, you will find things that are hurting and make you jealous – things that you will later wish you never saw or heard.
9. Complementing on Other Peoples’ Attractiveness
Some people are fond of doing so, most especially men. Do not do this to your partner most especially in their presence. Not cool!
Everyone needs to feel they are the most attractive person their partner’s eyes have ever seen (even if obviously, the reverse is the case), anything short of that could be a disaster.
Guys, STOP IT!
10. Not Telling Your Partner What Makes You Jealous
If you are feeling jealous in a relationship, chances are your partner already knows, or they don’t. In either case, let them know what makes you jealous through effective communication means, and help them know how to avoid it.
Keeping it all to yourself won’t solve anything. Trust me. If they probably haven’t noticed you are jealous, telling them will be a good idea.
All the above-mentioned causes of jealousy and more could result in nullifying a relationship.
A jealous partner is oftentimes too busy to see the reality of things around their partners; they only tend to see what their hearts or minds want them to see.
The best and ultimate thing to do is to TRUST your partner more than anyone, and it’s a GOAL!
If you find the article useful, kindly comment on the comments section, and also, tell which of the causes of jealousy do you think was left out?
Related: 7 Reasons Why Relationships Fail