Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships

Written by Khadija Garba

A graduate of English Language, Khadija Garba grew up in a small town in Zaria. She is a writer whose random thoughts and beliefs get penned down. Not to mention she derives happiness and fulfillment going through her own published works. Khadija has an addiction for early morning cup of black coffee, Japanese 2D animations (anime), manhwas then finally, English novels. Romance remains her favourite genre.

September 14, 2020

Most sane people see women go through all sorts of unpleasantness and abuse in the name of relationships (dating and marriages) and wonder why women stay in such abusive relationships. You’ll see some going through all sorts of abuse and you keep wondering why she isn’t long gone. You can even hear some of these women complain and cry themselves. As a caring person, you might go as far as giving them advice to either leave or stand up if they decide to continue living with the person only for your advice to fall on deaf ears.

Also: 15 Reasons Why Women Cheat

Abuse can be all kind of injustice dished out in relationships. It is not limited to physical abuse, as cheating too can be considered a form of abuse. How? It weighs heavy on the mind of a partner and has them thinking they are lacking in multiple angles prompting their partner to seek pleasure outside. This in turn affects their peace of mind. Promising to change and never changing is also a form of abuse. This being said, why then do women stay in manipulative and sometimes abusive relationships? Here are some of the few reasons why women stay in abusive relationships.

Why Women Stay

1. Society

Yes! Society as a whole blames women who suffer in silence. The society comprises of the people we know and are acquainted with. They include family, friends, and colleagues. They also include the ones we are not acquainted with including random neighbors and strangers living around us. Society has made women believe loyalty to a man is judged by how much hardship and shits of is you are capable of taking.

Related: 9 Reasons Couples Get Divorce

For this reason, you’ll see wives quietly enduring all the jabs thrown at them by their partner. Not even that, as a woman, you are trained right from childhood endurance and forbearance. You are to endure everything the man will do to you, both the semi-good and the really bad ones. If a woman complains too much of being maltreated, she gets hushed at her for her lack of endurance and patience instead of society to chastise and call the man into order for all his nonsenses.

Society as a whole does not support women standing for their rights and getting justice for themselves. You will see that in the way the Nigerian society especially Northerners treat divorced women. Everyone automatically believes it is entirely a woman’s fault she was divorced. Even if they do decide to end their stay in abusive situations, the man will ultimately have his way. The same Society that witnessed her being trashed will then persuade her to go back to him. For these reasons, women will rather stay in abusive relationships than taking on the whole society.

2. Stability

Moving out of a toxic situation requires a certain amount of stability particularly in the financial department. ‘Can I afford a place to stay?’, ‘Will I be able to take care of my needs completely?’ ‘What of the kids?’ ‘How properly will I be able to cater to their own needs?’ are all questions women ask themselves before deciding to start a fresh life. Thus, if they don’t have a good steady source of income or really nice savings that’ll sustain them for a while, they go back to enduring everything dished at them —or even more.

3. Low Self-esteem

Abusers have a way of crushing their victim’s self-esteem especially if they are married. They slowly brainwash their partners into thinking they have no worth. In fact, they are only keeping up with them because of certain conditions. Being constantly told ‘you’re worthless and damaged goods’ overtime weighs heavily on the fragile mind and before one realizes it, the self-confidence is crushed.

Related: The Feeling of Insecurity and How to Avoid it

Eventually, they find themselves thinking nobody will keep up with them because everyone sees them in the same picture the abuser painted. Emotional abuse is probably the worse kind of abuse because healing takes a longer period than being physically dealt with.

4. Fear of His Influence

Some women are already the ones taking care of themselves in their relationship yet they still go on tolerating abuse. Part of this is their fear of the influence the husband holds in society. If he has the power or connection to make her miserable even when she’s out of his hold, then there is no point in going out. Life will end up being the same—or worse. How worse? Under him, she only has to tolerate him.

Read: 7 Reasons Why Relationships Fail

Outside, she’ll have to endure all the people he’ll pull under his control. Fear of having a peaceful life even after leaving him is one thing that keeps women chained in their shackles.

5. Fear of Starting All Over

Let’s face it, starting over again sucks. The crazy saying; “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know” has people reluctant about giving that angel a chance. In their mind, they’ve already calculated he’ll fare out worse than the devil they’ve known for long. Series of emotional abuse has women thinking there is probably no one out there who will treat them better.

Read: It is Time to Let Go of That Person

This makes it all the more important to empower women as well as educate them on their rights and privileges. Likewise, encourage them to stand up to any form of injustice. Abuse does nothing but damage women. These damages sometimes affect the way they’ll live life and bring up their kids; the next generation.

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1 Comment

  1. Hind Abakar

    We need awareness and mental conditioning on this topic. Women have endured too much, it’s time for change. And that change has to start from us women.
    Ma Sha Allah, well pointed out.


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